So im back to blog tonight becaue im super happy & super inspired by a beautiful mumma friend who is also a blogger friend, who revamped my blog!!!! thank you daisy!! I love it! Also, i have a new follower who i dont know in real life & go for coffee & playdates with - thank you new blog-friend, as soon as im done here im going to pop over and have blog-coffee and follow you!! to top all that off, i put a photo up of that beautiful sun shiney face that belongs to my little E (aint she cute!).

Tonight im going to talk a little more about me & my life as a mumma! Im only a young mumma, almost 21 in fact, but dont let the age fool you, I like to think of myself as pretty mature for my age and as soon as i heard those special word come  from the doctors mouth and thought my life was over i grew up pretty damn quick!! I still enjoy a good  night out drinking with the girls, only i try not to write myself off to bad because i know i have to get up at 7 the next day and cant nap my hangover off!!

We live in a small town with no family, my family are a 6 hour drive away & awesomes family are a 15 hour drive away, so its just us here! We didnt plan on having babies and being engaged for at least 5 years and I had just spent a whole week cuddling my best friends newborn while visiting in QLD saying 'O hes so cute but i dont want one for a loooong time' we flew home from QLD on the sunday and on tuesday morning i woke up with horrible pains in the tummy so bad i couldnt stand up so off to the hospital i went & the nurse looked me over made me pee in a cup & said 'now, is there any chance you could be pregnant?' me & awesome looked at each other and said no, awesome throwing in 'i fucking hope not!' with a laugh & 10 minutes later while awesome was out having a ciggy the nurse came in and told me the news and told me she was a little worried how my partner would react after his little comment!!! But when he came back in and seen me sitting there ballimg my eyes out he said 'youre preggas arent ya' (he's a keeper!) & gave me the biggest its going to be ok hug ever!! So after being told our options and awesome saying 'we smoke should we stop that' & 'can you write down the name of the vitamins i need to buy & a dr we should see' we went home & while i was crying my eyes out sayin i cant be a mum i work 12 hour shifts and i love my job and my life is over i cant do this i forget to eat dinner most nights, awesome was calling EVERYONE sharing the good news!! For 2 weeks i cried and he was skipping around town telling everyone!! But thats ok it wasnt his fanny that was going to get torn open in 9 months!!!

We talked about moving to be closer to my family or his but decided to stay put and prove to everyone that we could do it, and its been so hard, we havent been out to dinner on our own since she was born and we never get 'us' time and when im so stressed out that i chain smoke and knit until my mind is in its happy place, i just wish i had my mum here to help out!! But then i have that pleasure of knowing I have survived this on my own, my baby is happy and healthy and thats because of me, us. Just us. I have not yet called my mum in tears asking her to come stay with me for a few days even though i have typed that msg over and over but never pressed send. Now im not trying to complain or call poor me, Im just pretty damn proud of what we have achieved so far!! Im back at work, supposed to be only doing 2 nights a week, i start at 6 so Miss E is fed, bathed & ready for bed by the time awesome gets home & i leave but this week ive done 5 nights, im definately not taking on more shifts anymore, I miss putting my girl to bed & catching those few 'us' hours with awesome. So im just so proud & so happy, I mean we are human we fight and hate each other and yell & say to awesome as he is about to go hang with his friends on a saturday afternoon beacuse he had a long week at work that if he goes im going to leave E here while i go have some me time (which i never have and NEVER would but we all say things like that when we have had the long exhausting week at home with a baby!).

After spending those 2 weeks crying and being afraid to be in charge of a human being, I look at that gorgeous smile & teach her something new or watch her let go of the furniture I think to myself, 'WOW, I made her from scratch, I did it - Im that awesome!!'